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- The Living Flame on Zoom
Has my relationship and and understanding of God changed over time? The words Samuel in Hebrew means “having been heard by God”. Growing into “having been heard by God” now well into my 80’s I am seeing life more from the perspective of God. I am more aware of the reality that God’s plan for me/us has been written into my/our heart (Hebrews 8;6-13, the Word of God for today). The plans of the exuberance of my youth and well beyond, have slowly given over to, as a friend of mine wrote this Christmas, “What was God’s plan for you this past year? When did you discover it?”. As 2020 unfolded I found myself praying for those whom I have hurt intentionally or unintentionally hurt over the course of these 80+. Gradually I am seeing from the perspective of God, the one who has the plan written in the hearts of these person, too.
Grateful, too, for you in this virtual community. Thanks for growing in awareness of God’s writing on your heart.
Here in Saskatchewan Canada the darkest is 7 hours 43 minutes. As of today December 28 we have gained 2 minutes hardly noticeable on our way to 17 plus hours of daylight. On December 21 we were fortunate to see the convergence of Saturn and Jupiter, a very bright globe in our southern sky, the first time in 800 years, the Christmas star 2020. We are the present day Simeon’s and Anna’s who keep vigil. Today I join all in affirming that Divine Life has been poured into creation.
I am very grateful to have received Word of the Week 2020. I am hoping thinto 2021 is is continuing.
Each time I sat with “Has the practice of Centering Prayer, Lectio Divina or the Welcome prayer prompted you to take risks in my life?” I would just sit back and ponder “take risks”? My day has these components, yes, but also daily Eucharist, beginning my day and ending withthe same Scripture, frequent recall of God’s presence.
Then as I lived each day I did what the day called me to do. I lived some challening events. “Risk’ was more like “acceptance” and “surprise” and “gratitude” and ” there was more than me involved” Perhaps “Surprised by the Spirit”.
What am I attending to? Being present to movement of the Spirt leading me into the profound part of my inner abyss where oozing wounds are tended to by the Spirit – only now I perceive those of two people, mine and one other, recognize the the words of that other: “I am glad we did this together”. It all began when I received last Sunday’s Word of the Week and read the passage from the Book of Wisdom.
What am I attending to as another Advent is on the horizon? This multifacted pandemic unleashed by covid 19……….., listening once again with new eyes Advent 2020 with a heart that is willing……
Can I open my heart and let “those others” in, too? I can say I am willing and allow my willingness to be challenged this week.
I just finished a C.P. “sit”. What has perculated in my inner depths this week “worthy”, a huge stumbling block suddenly revealed its message. Entering into C.P. I often begin with the Welcome Prayer and then my consent has expanded: “I consent to the presence, action, love and mercy of God”. God’s mercy envelopes, creates my worthiness, sheer gratuity! Humbly I onced again recognize that “I am God’s work of art”. I rest in humility and gratitude!
Yes, I have experienced the fruits of centering prayer flowing into and through my activities, a new aliveness, a new depth in meaning. This morning for example, I found that my credit card had been compromised. My initial response was to go into a tail spin, consciously finding all the vital info that I would need in calling the credit card company. The first number proved to be part of a long waiting line. I tried a second number and did not get caught up in remembering which button to push. This time a more cheerful encouraging voice guided me through appologing for putting me on silent mode several times while she checked things out. I found myself going with the flow that all shall be well. The items in question would be removed and I would be issued a new card. Mindful breathing and the welcome prayer took the place of mindless head chatter.
Yesterday I received the gift of a wall hanging: Grateful, Thankful, Blessed, which now hangs on the door to my apartment.
My contemplative living is nurtured through faithfulness to my prayer practices and a communal commitment to ” a path marked by connection, attraction, reconciliation, restoration and mercy.” through listening, respect and accepting to hold the tension of people’s grief and hurt, even my humiliation.
I read Fr. Ciszek’s book years ago. Examen very timely. For me I was where I was supposed to be at each moment this week. In the past there is one person I would have avoided – preferring to delay humiliation till I could figure it out. This person is in my life, in the corporate muddling through where covid 19 has led us. Aware from time to time from the quiet within, God and I are one, each offering what is to be offered at each breath. ” No moment can be wasted, no opportunity missed, since each has a purpose on one’s life. FINALLY I don’t have to figure it out, plan, avoid, I just go with the flow. When “stuck” like at 2 am the Welcome Prayer resets that inner flow. In God’s “economy” nothing is wasted.
Today the world day of prayer for the care of creation begins here in Canada, The Season of Creation from September 1 to October 4. Elsewhere?
Teilhard’s mystical prayer all those years ago has a decided reverberation today: “Lord lock us into the deepest depths of your heart and then, holding us there, burn us, purify us, set us on fire, sublimate us, till we become utterly what you would have us be, through the annihilation of all selfishness inside us.”
Last Sunday Jeremiah avows: It becomes like fire burning in my heart, imprisoned in my bones; I grow weary holding it…I cannot”
So, I join in solidarity with all the Teilhard’s and Jeremiah’s in the world today.
This week I noticed I do leave descriptors behind during Centering Prayer. I am just me BELOVED.
A lot of my holding back has to do with letting of what I want and accepting, embracing the “now. I live in an intergeneration milieu, engaged in active pastoral ministry. I look around, people my age have gone/are going into places where there are only aging people with all sorts of health issues, where to do one thing like a medical appointment is a whole day affair where I now can manage that, perhaps taking an hour of my day and respond to several people who need a listening ear. Anyway you get the drift.
This phrase holds my attention: “One description of a disciple: always trying, always failing, always trying again.
It holds my attention, arouses my fear challenges TRUST.
Unexpected, unearned, simply given…..
This week, the Transfiguration took me way back to May 1987 I am in Israel, we are up on the Mount of the Transfiguration I am mysteriously drawn apart,( a risky thing to do – the others have gone to the olive press) there soaking in the sun gazing out on the wide panorama to the right down into Egypt , to the left down through the Euphrates and far beyond. My whole being is enveloped, similar to my foundational experiences growing up the prairies , this time the wide sky with moving clouds – totally gratuitous, unexpected, simply given…..
Centering Prayer in my life – pondering the image this week – C.P. is the place where what is help is not yet born. Covid 19 has opened for us the reality this pandemic is not the only one surfacing and speaking into our lives – racism is much alive in my life and surroundings and so I sit in C.P.
Keeping vigil since Sunday – consenting to be in that place where I do not want to go reluctant to celebrate the virtual Eucharist today – where revealed to me during the homily:to bring my painful empty-ness (through the Welcome Prayer) into the Lord’s hands and hear “show them my love”. Yes, covid 19 finds me on the periphery; actually a place familiar to me. What I am letting go of is “I’ll figure it out”, just trust the leading of the Lord. Little by little the depth of my arrogance is being emptied. The communion antiphon: Your did not choose me. It is I who have chosen you……….
