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A lot of my holding back has to do with letting of what I want and accepting, embracing the “now. I live in an intergeneration milieu, engaged in active pastoral ministry. I look around, people my age have gone/are going into places where there are only aging people with all sorts of health issues, where to do one thing like a medical appointment is a whole day affair where I now can manage that, perhaps taking an hour of my day and respond to several people who need a listening ear. Anyway you get the drift.
This phrase holds my attention: “One description of a disciple: always trying, always failing, always trying again.
It holds my attention, arouses my fear challenges TRUST.